Nursing

This afternoon I got to rock my God daughter Maria. I rocked her while I fed her a bottle before her nap. She will be 2 in March and she is delightful. Almost everyday we spend some time together and it is like having another child without having to ever be the disciplinarian. It must be what it is like to be a Grandma.
Anyway, as I sat rocking her, I rested my head back on the chair and closed my eyes, feeling drowsy. Instantly, I was taken back to a time that seems longer ago than I wish to think. I remembered nursing my own babies and as they nursed, feeling so sleepy and comfortable. It was one of my very favorite times. I would feel many times as if I couldn't even keep my eyes open if I tried. I think it was a gift from God to a sleep deprived mama. He made our bodies so incredible. I love that we have those memories to cherish. The actual events pass much too quickly.

Today is Wednesday. It is a day in my week where I have the opportunity to meet with people one on one in the context of studying God's work and just being in relationship with others and sharing our lives together.

Sometimes I go into this day with expectations about what will be accomplished or what I or others will learn. Other times I am just happy to be with these women and sharing coffee or tea and a good chat. Usually God has something altogether different in mind than I expected. I come away feeling so blessed and thankful to God for putting women in my life who encourage me and love me right where I am. God has always done this for me. I can look back through all of my life and think of women God sent to influence me.

Yesterday was CarolAnn's (my sister) birthday. I had talked to her on the phone and then was reminded how many times God has used my sisters in my life to impart wisdom, truth, encouragement, love, and fun. They are an incredible blessing to me especially during this time of grief. Sometimes in my life I wished I was closer in age to my sisters, but during this time I believe I am the one who is blessed. Their age somehow draws me to them and comforts me in a way that, although it can never replace Mom, helps me in ways I can't even describe. I am truly blessed. Thank you Lord for the gift of others who love you, and thank you for how you use them to care for me. Good night.

Comfort

I was scrolling through pictures today and came across this one. Emily is digging a grave for her bunny. This was not to long after Mom had died and I had stayed in the house and let Pete take care of the issue because we had already been through the tears of the initial death, and I was not able (or so I thought) to handle even one more small bit of sadness. As I looked out the window though, the thoughts started to flood my mind. What was this like for Emily? Was she glad to be a part of this part of the process? Was it therapeutic for her in terms of dealing with the loss of not only her bunny, but her Gramma. Was she begrudging the hard work? I was unable to engage her in those questions at the time. I was way to self focused. I watched from afar for awhile and them my curiosity got the best of me. I got the camera and shot some pictures from the house and then closer and closer until I was on the hill with them. Pete helped Emily with the harder parts and then after placing the bunny in the ground, Emily covered it with dirt and we prayed and thanked God for the blessing Emily's pet had been to her. We had buried Rebekah's bird where you see the cross in the picture, months before. We have started our own little cemetary on the hill. It is a place to remember Gods blessings to us in the love of pets and to realize life is sometimes hard. It is a gift from God that we can share our joys and sorrows with each other and with Him. Grief is to be lived out, never hidden or put on a shelf. If we don't engage it, it will plague us until we do. IICorinthians 1:3-5 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our trouble, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

God's provision is perfect as always. Through it he allows us to have the privilege of caring for others.

Beginning

I just made this blog. Really didn't care much about having one until now. It's not that I didn't think about it, just that I never really wanted to take the time to set it up and wondered if I would really use it. I am still not sure if I really will, but I have not been able to journal or write since Mom died and I thought maybe now I might be ready to try. It just seems my words really never match the essence of my feelings. Anyway, here it is.
Today, is January 26th. I have been out and about in the below 0 weather this morning and now I am home in the warm, quiet house. I love when I have these moments. It is a time when I often talk to God and am able to listen to what He has to say to me. Many people don't know what it is like to have those moments or even try never to have those moments. It can be a very convicting time.
One of the other things I love to do in these quiet times is scrapbook. The winter months lend themselves well to getting caught up a little on my books. I am trying to finish my book of our trip to Virginia almost two years ago, so I can be ready to do our Germany trip when we get back in April. I plan to do that book digitally. That will be a new adventure.
Anyway, just a short note for today. I am looking forward to a place to write what is in my heart as it is revealed. Have a great day in the Lord.