Ice cream and Memories

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I was asked a few days before, how I felt going into Mother's Day. I said I wasn't sure. I wasn't focusing on it and was thinking about time with my own kids. I knew it was probably in the back of my mind and wasn't sure what Sunday would bring.
We went to church that morning with me feeling fine. We were late for church and sat in a spot we don't usually sit. From two rows behind a friend tapped on my shoulder and gave me a card.
This friend lost her little boy about 8 years ago. He was Rebekah's age. We were there when he died in the hospital and have seen them walk a difficult, but amazing path. God has used them many times to come alongside others in their grief. It was no different with me. She had come with drinks and goodies from Starbucks one day when Mom was in the hospital. We had tears and hugs in the rehab living room as she came beside me in my pain and remembered hers.
Yesterday, as I sat in the pew, I knew the card was about my Mom. I discreetly opened it and read this: Lady Di, Thinking of you and your sweet Mom today. Thought you could enjoy some ice cream and share all the things that you all loved about your Mom/Grandma. We love you, The McGowan's. Inside was a gift card to Cold Stone creamery for our family.
Instantly, my eyes were filled with tears. I wept freely. For someone outside my family to recognize and remember my grief was overwhelming. A flood of sadness and joy at the same time swept over me.
After church, my friend Carla came with a card that said this: Di, I've been thinking of you with Mother's Day approaching. I'm sure today will be filled with mixed emotions as your family celebrates the mother you are. Yet, you'll be thinking of your Mom. My prayer is that today will be filled with fond memories and the realization that you are the mother you are in large part because of her. Love CW
Again tears and many more off and on through the day.
That evening we went to Cold Stone and shared ice cream. We shared our memories of Mom. Luke misses her cinnamon rolls, all the kids miss cooking with her and Rebekah reminded of us her great stories. Pete said no one calls him Peterkins anymore or thinks he walks on water. Both those made me laugh out loud. They are both so true and two reasons I love Mom so much. She made up sweet names for so many people and she had my husband up on a very high pedestal. We knew Mom would have loved being with us, sharing ice cream and remembering someone we love.
I sat in my big chair in my bedroom that night weeping and saying to Pete," I didn't think this day would be so hard." He said, "Why not?" I don't really know. Somehow it seems like it should be getting easier. It isn't. Some days it is actually harder. What I loved about this day was there was no memories of her illness. In the beginning, I thought I would never have any memories of anything but her illness ever again. Sometimes those memories are present and very vivid, but at least now there are days when all I think of is the wonderful memories of her life before the stroke. There are many more smiles amongst the tears.
I still ache some days just wanting to hold her and hear her voice and smell her wonderful smell. In those times, the ever present hope of being with her again holds me up and moves me forward to love others the way she loved me.
Happy Mother's Day Mom. I love you and can't wait to see you. Hugs from me.